Chapter 88: Intentions
Song Hemei raised her eyes and stared at the man before her. "Then what do you want me to do, just ask? What if he doesn't tell me the truth? Should I keep nagging and dropping hints, or… offer myself in his bed?"
Perhaps her words were too blunt, or the mockery in her eyes was too obvious, but the joy in Shao Wen'ang's eyes from her agreement vanished in that instant.
He wanted to avoid her gaze, but the room was small. His eyes traced the bed curtains, only to land back on her.
"Mei'er, what kind of talk is that? How could I force you to do such a thing?"
He leaned forward, trying to get closer to her. "Lord Yu is a gentleman. He would never force you."
Song Hemei nodded and lowered her gaze, unable to suppress a soft laugh at his words.
His words were ambiguous, no doubt waiting for something to happen so he could wash his hands clean of the whole affair.
What nonsense was he spouting about "forcing"? If proper marital relations were considered "forcing," could ordinary physical intimacy be considered reasonable?
He wanted her to do his bidding, yet wouldn't even give her a proper promise. Just moments ago, he was swearing to protect her, and now he was pushing it all onto so-called gentlemanly behavior. That meant if anything happened, it would be Yu Yeqing's fault for not being a gentleman, not his fault for failing to keep his promise of protection.
Song Hemei had witnessed his shamelessness and coldness three years ago. The way he had treated Cao Lingchun back then was the way he would treat her now.
She wasn't sad. She only felt disgust and revulsion. Just thinking that she had once given her heart to such a man was humiliating enough. As long as he existed, he would be a constant reminder to everyone of how poor her judgment in men was.
Song Hemei closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and stood up. "Has Lord Yu returned? I'll go test the waters now."
"He's back, he should be in the guest room now."
Shao Wen'ang answered immediately, but perhaps realizing he had sounded too eager, he added, "Mei'er, you look a bit pale. Did you not rest well from the journey the day before yesterday? You don't have to rush this very moment. Your health is most important."
Song Hemei glanced at him, tempted to follow his suggestion and simply not go, just to see the frustration on his face as he shot himself in the foot.
But the thought barely crossed her mind before she found it utterly boring.
What else could he say? He would only come up with new excuses to urge her along. Why bother wasting time wrestling with him?
"I am a bit tired, but it's fine. It's just a short walk and a few words."
She stood up, threw on an outer robe, and casually gathered her hair hanging loose behind her head. She ordered someone to prepare some mung bean drink to relieve the heat, making as if to leave.
But Shao Wen'ang raised a hand to stop her. He then turned to her vanity mirror, picked up a pair of ruby earrings, and said casually, "Mei'er, these would really suit you. You used to love rouge and powder so much, why aren't you wearing any? Don't you have anything fashionable? Tomorrow, when I finish my duties, I'll bring you some. I won't let you be lacking in such things."
Song Hemei only then remembered that her face was bare of makeup.
Her gaze shifted from the earrings in Shao Wen'ang's palm to his hypocritical face.
A warm smile still hung on his face, as if he were just a husband attentive enough to notice his wife's cosmetics, even considerate enough to go buy them for her personally.
Of course, this was all assuming the purpose wasn't to send her off to meet another man.
Song Hemei didn't refuse. Not because she was willing to follow his wishes, but because she figured she ought to freshen up to see Yu Yeqing. Besides wanting to look her best for him, if she looked unwell, wouldn't Yu Yeqing just blame himself for tiring her out?
She turned and sat before the vanity mirror, applied a bit of lip balm, and redid her hair into a bun. But she didn't take the earrings he offered, instead taking out a new pair.
Things he had touched disgusted her. She'd have someone pawn them for silver another day.
She didn't spare Shao Wen'ang another glance as she left the room, heading straight for the guest quarters with Chunhui.
When they reached the door, Chunhui knocked. Hearing Yu Yeqing's deep, cold voice from within, Song Hemei felt her heart, which had fluttered the night before, begin to beat again.
She took the tray from Chunhui and entered the room, telling Chunhui not to stand guard outside, but to go rest when she could.
Yu Yeqing was sitting at his desk reviewing official documents. Hearing the door open, he glanced up nonchalantly, only to see Song Hemei tilting her head to look at him, her voice neither light nor heavy. "You're very busy, Lord Yu. Would I be disturbing you if I came in?"
Yu Yeqing's eyes immediately lit up. He set down his work and walked over to her. "Why have you come?"
Song Hemei raised the tray in her hands and shoved it at him. "Bringing you some mung bean drink."
With that, she turned and closed the door firmly behind her.
Yu Yeqing stared at the bean curd floating in the bowl before him, then raised his eyes to the closed door. "You and I, alone here—won't closing the door be bad for your reputation?"
Song Hemei didn't stand on ceremony. She walked over to an armchair, sat down, and poured herself a cup of tea. "No, there's someone who's all too eager for me to come find you."
Yu Yeqing's gaze was fixed on her. He took a few steps closer, stopping at a moderate distance. He didn't ask who this "someone" was, but instead offered an explanation. "I didn't know this morning that he would summon you here. If I had known, I would never have disturbed your rest. You… don't be angry with me."
His eyes dropped, and his voice grew particularly heavy towards the end.
Song Hemei looked at him in surprise. "What are you saying? I'm not angry with you."
"But this morning, you gave me one look and left. You didn't stay to eat together."
"I just didn't want to eat with Shao Wen'ang. It had nothing to do with you. The look… it was just—"
Just wanting to look at him.
Song Hemei glanced at him. He was still standing quietly before her, her reflection captured in his dark pupils, as if all the tenderness in the world was meant for her alone.
But she felt this thought was somewhat exaggerated. She'd always had this problem—when she truly liked someone, she would attribute all that was good to that one person, and amplify his feelings as well.
After all, he had a younger sister. Half his tenderness, at the very least, had to be shared with her.
Still, this thought made her a little happy. If that were truly the case, then he was a good brother. She liked that he was a good brother.
"Not going to try it?"
Song Hemei smiled at him, leaning back lazily in the armchair. She fabricated a story casually. "I made this myself, you know."
Yu Yeqing's brow furrowed slightly. He glanced again at the bean curd in the bowl. "Doesn't seem like it."
He walked back to the desk and sat down, stirring the drink with his spoon.
He was so certain that Song Hemei felt a flash of guilt, but she quickly recovered and retorted with righteous indignation. "Why wouldn't it seem like it? You've never had mung bean drink I've made before."
Yu Yeqing quietly took a few sips, his long fingers resting on the rim of the bowl. After a moment, he said, "You probably can't cook yet."
Song Hemei leaned towards him. "What makes you say that?"
"You couldn't cook before."
Song Hemei was slightly surprised. "How could you know that…"
Yu Yeqing didn't look at her. He finished the mung bean drink. "I also know you're not good at embroidery."
"How do you know that too?"
Yu Yeqing's expression didn't change. "I also know the embroidery on the handkerchief you gave Lord Shao back then wasn't done by you."
Song Hemei was rendered speechless.
Unmarried girls were expected to have a reputation for virtuousness. For someone like her, betrothed to an official family, a name for being a capable and thrifty housewife was even more crucial.
Spoiled in her youth, she had no desire to be smoked out in a greasy kitchen, nor pricked her fingers with embroidery needles. So she wasn't skilled at either, only learning the basics, enough to mimic the motions and fool the eye.
But she couldn't avoid the superficial gestures of sending sachets and handkerchiefs, or pastries and infused drinks to the Shao residence. Eventually, the embroidery work fell to Chunhui, and the cooking to Suhui. Those two had helped her out a lot back then.
Now she was essentially pulling the same old trick. She truly hadn't expected Yu Yeqing to see through it.
For some reason, she suddenly remembered Fang Yiyun's words—something about how… when he was young, he often used to stare at her.
Song Hemei bit her lip, staring intently at him, and asked deliberately, "How do you know? Were you studying with Jilang, and studying all the way to the inner courtyard?"
This finally made Yu Yeqing's expression shift. Lost in thought for a moment, he finally set down his bowl and looked at her slowly.
"You don't want me to know?"
Song Hemei slowly rose to her feet. "It's not that I don't want you to. I'm just a little disappointed I couldn't fool you."
She walked over to Yu Yeqing, gently leaning against the desk, and looked down at him. "Are you disappointed?"
"No," Yu Yeqing answered honestly.
Song Hemei nodded. The closer she got to him, the clearer she could see her own reflection in his eyes.
Looking closely, she could also see that he seemed a bit nervous.
For instance… his hands had dropped and were clenched tightly. His body had instinctively leaned back in his chair. His thin lips were pressed together, and his Adam's apple moved almost imperceptibly.
Song Hemei simply leaned down further, getting even closer. "You haven't answered my question yet. How are you so clear about my affairs? My mother covered it up very well to save me from embarrassment in front of others. Even Shao Wen'ang hasn't discovered it to this day."
Yu Yeqing's Adam's apple bobbed more vigorously. "I…"
Some words seemed difficult to utter. His breathing was quick and shallow. Strangely enough, Song Hemei felt she could hear his heart thumping heavily, one beat after another.
"I never trespassed into the inner courtyard, nor did I casually pry into your affairs. I found that would be very disrespectful to you. But I have eyes, I have ears. If you pay attention, some things just become apparent."
Song Hemei was genuinely surprised by this.
She looked at Yu Yeqing, who seemed to have a peculiar air of desperation about him. A deepening darkness in his eyes hinted at some kind of decision being made.
But what surprised her even more were his very words. How was this any different from directly confessing his feelings to her?
Why else would anyone have their eyes and ears so fixed on her, and speak of "paying attention"—
She tested the waters. "No way… You didn't… have feelings for me back then, did you?"
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